You're Doing It Wrong

I'm going to take this time to evaluate just how terrible I am at College. Now, many elements contribute to these facts. People have changed my habits and I have a simple loss of motivation among other things.

1- Certain processed foods make me sick. And seeing as this is really all that the U of U's eating facilities have to offer late at night, I stash salad and peanut butter in my mini-fridge in my dorm. I tribute this to miss Andrea Crouch, for telling me how gross I am for eating dozens of egg rolls out of her freezer and telling me I was going to die young.

2- I don't party. When I first moved into the dorms, Lia Summers told me I would like it, but that she didn't because the boys just chase the girls down the hallway like children. Originally, I giggled at Lia's expected wit. But she was serious. It will be about 11:30 at night and girls will run down my hall screaming like school girls. I always picture them with ribbons flailing behind them and in their underwear playing kiss tag or whatever. Not that these girls are partying, but I also don't do that.

3- Going to class and studying= super easy. The first thing my Mom told me when I moved into the dorms was that it would be really hard to go to class because my roommate would always want me to skip with her. As much as I love Cecillee, she's never home, and when she is, we really have no problem encouraging each other to go to class. I probably study better when she's around. I'm not sure why, maybe my subconscious is trying to prove my intelligence and efficient study habits?

4- I hate sports, sororities, & fraternities. Alright, hate is a strong word. I would rather be knitting, writing, driving, or sleeping than watching football, basketball, or gymnastics. Sorority and Fraternity sisters and brothers are the most ridiculous concept to me. Don't try to deny it: you're paying for friends.

5-This still stands as my favorite song of all time.

Granted, Ke$ha has a lot of talent.

6- I work a near full-time job. I love it, so much, but I make about half as much as the kids in my classes working at Discover Card and at mortgage companies. I go to school all day and work all night. When I don't work, I crawl into my bed and watch Important Things with Demetri Martin, Portlandia, Monk, Big Bang Theory, and United States of Tara until I doze off.

7-I have one friend. Her name is Angeline, and she's worse at college than I am. And she sends me texts like "OMG we totes need to go to the Beta Bash." I laugh because she understands me so well.

And last of all, number 8- People who go to college dances suck. No elaboration on that one.

That was bitter. This was all bitter. I love college, I'm just bad at it. I need someone to take me under their wing and teach me how to take the headphones off of my head.